To be a better mother...
(and no, I don't believe it's about copious amounts of fairy floss and cotton candy as big as your head... but hey, every once and a while maybe it is?)
Truth be told...
I'm having quite a few day's lately where it feels like I've spent 99% of the day either cranky with my girls, yelling like a banshee to pick up the toys, don't put your fingers in there, no that is NOT edible, do not make me ask/tell you or see you do that again... and it goes on and on...
Often when they're peacefully asleep in bed and the house is quiet I think about the day... I really want my girls to love life, to laugh, to be strong and confident girls. I want to not only be the best mother I can be BUT to be even better than that. I want my girls to have happy memories of family times, shared love, fun - the belief in the fairies, Santa, and other magical and amazing childhood fantasies... of a childhood that brings a smile to their faces and a warmth to their hearts.
But no one tells you just how hard its going to be... how you honestly feel like you've been stripped of almost every last shred of sanity... when all you can do is quietly have a cry - out of not only exhaustion but so much more... more than words can adequately put meaning or substance to. Not that I thought it would be a walk in the park... it's just that nothing quite compares to trying to negotiate reason and logic with a two or four year old...
I love being a mother. I love my two little girls -as mothers do - with a love so strong that they consume my whole heart... I want the best for them, including the best of me and sometimes it saddens me to think, in the peace of the evening that perhaps today we didn't even come close to that... and yes there is tomorrow, but there will only ever be one today and I despise feeling like I want a 'do-over'
Hmmm... yes, well in the absence of a do-over I guess I'll just sleep on it and resolve to try that little bit harder when I wake. Maybe, we all need to feel a little bit of a failure at times so that we can appreciate the successes - the unprompted manners, the random compliment paid from a stranger about your well behaved child/ren, the times when laughter fills the air and big squeezey cuddles and sloppy kisses abound (oh and don't forget that fairy floss).
~To let go of the little things, laugh at the crazy things and marvel at the wondrous things~
